


The Abyss Will Gaze Back Into You

by mythicalquill



Category: Amnesty - Fandom, The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Guilt, there is some dialogue it's not exactly like my Hollis piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 13:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19426729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mythicalquill/pseuds/mythicalquill
Summary: Pigeon’s cell was boxy and cramped; gray, the color of the sky before a storm. It was half the size of her trailer, and twice as drab. Worse than her cubicle at Public Works, even. It wasn’t particularly grimy or unclean, just… monotonous. The food wasn’t great, and the bed was a bit hard.And then there was the ghost.





	The Abyss Will Gaze Back Into You

**Author's Note:**

> Me: *posts a lighthearted group chat AU with lots of silly shenanigans*  
> Also me: * _THE ABYSS WILL GAZE BACK INTO YOU_ *
> 
> (Hope you enjoy!)

Pigeon Wilson hadn’t slept a wink.

It had been two months since the incident at the archway; two months since she had been shipped to the sheriff’s station and kept there under lock and key. Two months since her world had changed for good. The weak beams of morning sun were just beginning to filter in between the iron bars of the cell’s window, illuminating her dreary accommodations for the 60th time. 

The room was boxy and cramped; gray, the color of the sky before a storm. It was half the size of her trailer, and twice as drab. Worse than her cubicle at Public Works, even. It wasn’t particularly grimy or unclean, just… monotonous. The food wasn’t great, and the bed was a bit hard.

Then there was the ghost. Sorry, _specter._ Pigeon had nearly jumped out of her skin when Deputy Dewey had first popped up out of nowhere and offered her a donut. She’d quickly gotten used to his incorporeal appearance, though; it might as well happen after all that she had seen the past year. Great hulking beast in the woods, that fanged monster at the archway, even the sentient water she had helped take down. 

Pigeon remembered fondly the thrill of that experience, even if her only role in it was to change some water pressure. She had made a difference, closed the valve to keep the creature from escaping through the pipes. She had hoped—expected, even—that it would be the start of some great new path in her life, something past bringing Mr. Sluper coffee and taking over his meetings, more akin to fighting off vampires and bigfoots. A new start… 

And then she hadn’t heard from them again. She reached out, once or twice, but it seemed like Ranger Duck was always away. On a ski trip; out in the forest; or, for some reason, at the morgue. 

Did he not trust her? Or was it the people he worked with? Had she somehow failed her trial run? Or… had they all just forgotten her? Pigeon Wilson, unmemorable public works employee who was left in the dust once she’d completed her singular purpose. 

That might’ve been why the Hornets had enticed her so much— they welcomed her help with open arms (open wings? She wasn’t sure how seriously they took the title). They were out there _doing_ something about the monsters she had seen, and not exactly being subtle about it. That certainly helped her join their ranks. 

And the glint in Hollis’s eye as they handed over her new jacket had sparked that excitement from H2-Woah all over again. She was going to help keep her town safe. Maybe even the world. 

She heard that the Hornet’s Nest had been destroyed, which could explain why they hadn’t dropped by to visit. There was probably a lot to deal with out in the real world, even though the concept was starting to seem more and more abstract. The only time she had seen the decimation of the town by Mt. Kepler’s peak was on her ride to the station in the sheriff’s truck, although she hadn’t exactly been lucid for that. The wreckage had all added to the feeling of it all being just a waking nightmare, entirely surreal, starting the moment Ned Chicane collapsed. 

Of course, the group might just be avoiding the station altogether—they and Owens weren’t on the best terms, despite the stories of taking on bigfoot together that Hollis had told. 

Pete hadn’t come to see her either, which wasn’t as easily explained. None of the possibilities as to why were pleasant, and each added to the cacophony of thoughts swirling around her head every night, keeping her from drifting off. He was dead. He had been crushed under the mountain’s peak. He was torn to shreds by the same monster that indirectly put her in here. He was detained by the FBI, although she couldn’t fathom why.

Maybe worst of all… He wanted nothing to do with her after what she had done. Who could blame him? She was a murderer, a killer. Her reasons hardly seemed to matter; she had taken someone’s life. No wonder her best friend didn’t want to see her again. 

Her only hope was that Pete had actually been out of town when the road block went up, and couldn’t find a way back into Kepler. But that small glimmer of light did her no good inside the cold grey walls of the sheriff’s station, with nothing but bland food and the deputy’s chatty specter for company. 

Her impulsivity had never _hurt_ anyone like this before. Sure, she might’ve taken a shot at Ranger Duck, and that big ol’ beast, but no harm had come of it. And what she did was always meant in self-defense—right? Not killing that monster could’ve meant a lot more people died. And killing monsters was what she was supposed to do, now. First in the woods, then through the job with Duck, then the Hornets. It kept coming back— it was her calling. 

But an annoying little thought kept fluttering at the back of her brain, pulling her back to those boring days spent reading big heavy books as a homeschooled kid, back to that month in eighth grade when her mom had gotten really into philosophy and upped her and her brother’s courseload. There was one line that drifted to the forefront now, from a book by some guy with a very German name. 

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” 

Yeah. That was the one. 

Pigeon had fought monsters. She had even dispatched a few, if not directly. She’d been proud of it, too. And then she had shot an innocent man while trying to continue that fight, a man who probably hadn’t hurt anyone in his life. (Apart from a few cryptid grifts.)

And she would have to live with that, that monstrous action of her own. 

She smiled thinly as she imagined what her mom would say if she knew Nietzsche’s quote would apply to her life in such a literal sense. 

The distinct sound of the station’s door unlocking jolted her out of her abstraction, and she looked up to see Sheriff Owens walk in, laden with a coffee mug and some toast. 

“Morning, Pigeon, how’d you sleep?”

“Pretty shitty, to be honest, Sheriff Zeke.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” And he did sound sorry, she noted. “Nightmares?”

“Every damn night.” She hoisted herself off her bed, and padded over to the door so she could talk to him eye-to-eye.

“About anything in particular?”

“What, you can’t guess? Hard not to have ‘em, being here. In a cell. Because of something I didn’t mean to do.” 

“Even if you didn’t _intend_ to kill Ned, that doesn’t mean you didn’t.” The sheriff sounded cautious, as if he didn’t want to agree with her lack of fault. Or maybe she was reading into it too much. Even if she secretly agreed with him, that didn’t mean she would admit such a thing out loud. 

“But I mean—it _was_ self-defense, right?”

“Look, Pigeon.” He took a sip of his coffee and sighed. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Ned Chicane is dead, and you’re the one who pulled the trigger. We’ve been over this.”

“It was a reflex, that… that _thing_ was charging me, with wild unnatural eyes and fangs and a—a bloodlust. That’s gotta be clear and immediate danger,” she implored, wincing a little at the pleading tone that crept into her voice. She didn’t know which of the two of them she was trying to convince more.

“The town is in shambles right now. Literally, after those aliens or what have you threw a mountain at it. It’s hard to say what has to happen now.”

She locked eyes with Owens through the bars, and found herself a little surprised to see sympathy in his. 

“Pigeon, I _am_ sorry that it has to be like this. But I’m doing my job—how do you think Ned’s friends would feel if the person who killed him faced no consequences? I just hope that this whole situation in Kepler wraps up quickly so we can get you a proper trial. It feels wrong to keep you cooped up in here, but I honestly don’t see what other option we’ve got.”

“Alright, Sheriff Zeke.” She turned her back on him. “I see where you’re coming from. Don’t mean I like it, being locked up in the pokey—which still isn’t what normal people call it. But I guess you’re not the one who can change this.”

“I’m glad you think that, Pigeon. And once we sort all this out, know I’ll be there to testify on your behalf.”

“Uh huh.” Pigeon wasn’t listening anymore. She had sat back on her cot, fingers tapping against the mattress as her eyes drifted from the door to the small barred window set into the brick. The sun had risen higher now, the beams a bit brighter as they pooled onto the floor. 

Pigeon leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes, letting the darkness behind her eyelids occlude the light, black engulf her vision, and the abyss of night prevail as she tried once more to drift to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know how I feel about Pigeon being in jail, but I wanted to write a piece exploring that and some of the guilt she must be feeling. I still enjoyed writing it, despite the angst! 
> 
> Amnesty has done wonders for my motivation/inspiration, this is the third piece I've written in as many days. If you enjoyed this (or hated it, I take constructive criticism), please leave me a comment!! I _love_ to hear from you here, and on my tumblr, @sunshine-disaster. Thank you for reading/sharing!!


End file.
